The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
