bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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