Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
