thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
