Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
