Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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