So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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