Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
