I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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