and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
