It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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