You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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