where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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