New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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