She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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