A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
