mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
