I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
