I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
