so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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