Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize