first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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