The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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