we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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