I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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