Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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