Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's official drugs can't kill me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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