I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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