Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
