no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
