Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
