I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
