just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize