i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
