I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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