Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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