Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
