Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
