I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
