Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Randomize
