I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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