my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
