I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
