everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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