i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
