That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
