Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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