Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
