It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
