Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize