i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
