why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
