Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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