Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
