She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you would pick up someone in the library
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
