You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
