She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
