if i can run in heels then i can drive
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
