Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I could fuck to npr.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
