the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can Purell be used as lube?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
